The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
