Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ugly people sure do ruin things
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
