i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
