I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
