listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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