I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
