I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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