Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER