you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
