i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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