fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.