Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
