it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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