You made me cry and you don't even care
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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