Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
