my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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