Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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