I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how do flat chested girls get laid?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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