Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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