yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
