Me. At least after what I've been through.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
