You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
