Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
