I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
