Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
