We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
