do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
