When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
