Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
