He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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