I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
