I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
