Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
