i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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