Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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