she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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