then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize