After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
