If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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