I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
