i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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