Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
