shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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