Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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