you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
