He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
