apparently the secret to your success is patron
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
