she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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