Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
