I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize