I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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