Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
