I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You smell like a Billy Joel song
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
