I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
