Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Floor bacon is actually really good
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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