You're so nebulous sometimes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
