did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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