I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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