the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
