So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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