He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
