got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
