My room smells like vodka and shame
Everything about him screamed your future.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
