you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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