I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
