also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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