Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
