LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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