The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
