Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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