He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
