I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
