You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He? As in you personified your dick?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
