Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
