its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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